gonna give our computer back to the school today. might get on the library or not, we'll see. g'bye!

okay, it's been awhile, so i'll give you the highlights.
i'm back home, had a great grad party, learned some traditional dance steps, sleepovers, etc.
slept on kris' roof last night. sirens went by sometime after midnight, but we never did figure out why. sun woke us up at 4:30, so we lay there and swatted at mosquitos and then went back to sleep. speaking of which, they're huge this year.
kris' car stalled out on rach's driveway and rolled down and she stopped it in a big mud puddle and it took for ever to start.
kris was squeamish about swimming in the channel. said it had cow poo in it.
it was very very hot today, and it did not rain.
we rode horses again and nobody fell off.
we moved most of my stuff across the road. just my piano and other random junk left.
sarah is working very hard. yay for sarah!
i am tired and sunburned and happy.

i had another weird dream last night. i was suddenly engaged, and i'm pretty sure it was stephen, although i don't think he actually entered my dream. anyhow, we had both rings picked out already, but were still in the process of finding diamonds for them. they both needed some for some reason. then i realized how young i was, how short a time i'd been going out with him, and started panicking. and then, if it wasn't already weird enough, i told everyone i wasn't actually engaged i'd just dreamt i was. but i'm not sure if i made it up or if i really had dreamt inside a dream, or remembered a dream inside a dream, or if i'd made up the dream but started believing it to get me out of an sticky situation.
i watched M*A*S*H last night at midnight, and i laughed very hard. i'll have to try it again to see if it was the lateness or if it's really that good.
i mean to go for a longish walk in a few minutes, and i was thinking about it, and how i might stop in somewhere and get some icecream or hot chocolate. then i thought 'damn, that's no fun by myself' and suddenly missed home cuz i wanted to drag my sister with me or run over to kris' house or something. boohoo for me. not that the socialization is bad here. i hang out with loren and bill sometimes, inocent things like playing board games and going out for wings and going to church, and then sometimes i hang out with mel and allyssa, and sarah and tina (again, not mine) and that may not be always so innocent, at least not in the eyes of loren and bill, but it's all fun. not the same as home, but i'm lucky. new city, old friends. if i'm careful i can continue to hang out with both camps. good boys, bad girls. :) or good boys, bad girls. which ever way you look at it, if you catch my drift. that's a lot easier to do in person, make differant meanings out of the same words.
i'm gonna go take that walk. in my brand new runners! speaking of which, i don't want to throw my old ones out. they smell so....... smelly. kind of horsy. like i've worn them for 5 years and they've done a nice job of retainng memories without to much nasties.

my brother just bought me new runners. 120$ shoes for 50$. crazy, eh? i have grip now though, and more waterproofness. it actually started with my duct taped sandels, he said he was gonna buy me some new ones, and there was a sale at sport chek, 2 for 99$. but there were no sandels, so i said heh, new runners'd work as well, mine are old....... besides, i'd feel really weird wearing 50$ sandels. even if the regular price was 80$. i kid you not. it's a crazy world out there.

dan i have some beeder budder?
i want a danona bar.
dorrianne, do you know daren and al and daleb?

this is how gemma talks. and she separates all her syllables with a breath it seems like. it's quite funny, when it's not slow and painful. i took them to the park to puddle jump again today, and when we were done stu's collar was dry, and that's about it. i even got him to lie down with his face in the mud which was pretty great. they insisted on a shower after though. those kids have way to much fun in the shower and i say it's un-natural.

i've got to stop picking at my face. in Girl Inerupted the head doc says it's a sign of a phsyco/depressive/maniac/anxiety case or something. what say you? is that me? *g* by the way, that book is REALLY depressing. i only got through about one chapter.

neighbours are having a party. smells good, their steaks.
sitting in the livingroom.
smell of pot.
must be neighbours.
investigate by going out to the porch.
smell of loren bbqing overpowering pot before i get out there.
run into sliding doors on way out, bump on head.
make note to self not to ever smoke the stuff, if just one wiff makes me run into doors.
oh yeah, i run into things anyhow.
get my sorry clumsy ass outside.
loren grins and says - smells like *insert name of hometown here which, being in bc, is pot central* out here.
realize my nose is acting up and only if i turn my head the right way can i smell the smell i originally came to investigate.
even though it must reek, since the dudes are, like, 20 feet away smoking the stuff.
they have freaking kids over there at their party.
damn them.
use it, but don't make your little kids high from your smoke!
freaks.
but at least they're having fun!
right?
last i checked blue jays were beating oakland 2-0.
both solo home runs, i think.
yay for the hamburger i'm gonna eat!

you know when people in movies freeze time while they rob a bank or something? (inspector gadget, i beleive) well i was just watching a comercial where they did that, and i realized that if you froze time, everything would freeze up and you wouldn't be able to move anything in the frozen area., right? and if that's so, you couldn't even walk through the area, as the air would be frozen. and if i remember my science correctly, air is something, not nothing. :) just a weird thougt i had while watching tv.
last night i thought, someone walking into a bar and sitting down and saying 'got milk?' would be a great comercial for milk.
people are always trying to be bigger than themselves, right? we've always dreamed of flying. even now people are still trying to invent personal flying devices. hang gliding, bungee jumping..... any kind of extreme sport. any kind of sport period. dancing, music, art, love, ambition, even just trying to live ones life in such a way as to make someone else's world a bit better, and therefor your own. i quote kris - 'yelling and pounding and needing to be free.' - how many of us have wanted to just burst our lungs out in moments of extreme emotion? probably all of us. you know when you feel you just have to either fly or burst, scream or bust? when you wish we did get multiple lives just so we could try everything? some more things from literature to prove it's not just me, or just us, or just the young or weird. 'oh to have wings like a dove! far away would i fly. in the wilderness build me a nest, and remain there forever at rest.' psalms 55. anyone read cs lewis' suprised by joy? his discription of joy is that feeling of biggness, of bursting, of everything being just...... wow. you know when it's there for a second and then it's gone and you're left wanting it forever but knowing it'd probably bo way to big to sustain. in this world anyhow. which brings me to my conclusion, i think. it seems to me this wanting more, wanting to be 'bigger than life', is one of the biggest reasons to beleive in an after life. people have always beleived in some sort of heaven. why? partly because we hate the thought of this universe being deprived of our excelant selves forever(haha), but i suspect mostly because the belief in an afterlife is usualy the belief that after we're dead there's something greater, something better. why would we want something more, if this was all we've got? (i believe phillip yancey's book 'rumours of another world' deals with this in more depths than i could ever do, but i've only read a bit of it) of course lots of people would say we're just a bunch of delusioned idiots running around wasting t he time we have preparing for what's not there. but if that's so i think i'm happier being delusioned.