Can you want something you can't imagine? We were talking about this the other night. I can't figure it out. I can say that when I'm depressed I can't imagine being happy, which almost seems to translate into not wanting it. Maybe it's more that I just can't imagine 'happy' being real. So how can you want something that's not real? Wich is all a very bad state of mind, and I try not to be in it. Also, I try to think of other examples to try to clarify it, but it doesn't help. I really can't seem to untangle the problem, or the ramifications thereof. But that's okay. I think. Maybe I'll look back in ten years and not be able to imagine why I would think such silly things. Or maybe I'll think these things all my life, and die a normal old age death, triumphant in that I didn't kill myself, defeated in that I didn't 'get over' my problems. Maybe I will kill myself, defeated in every way. I guess I'm glad I don't know the future. Not always. I would love to know that I'm win over myself. But I would not want to know that I wouldn't. So. As everyone has decided before me, it's better I don't know. I guess.
Why am I being so morbid? I don't even feel morbid. Just what I've been thinking about, I guess.